Just a rant

     I miss you. As much as you say you miss me. You keep asking me to come visit you on the other side of the country. I don't think that is ever going to happen, and I'm trying to come to terms with the unhappy fact that I may never see you again.

     You want me to take time off work, pay airfare and stay with you in a home that is going to make me physically sick because I am allergic to your multiple pets. And then there is your roommate who, although I love them as much as you, is enough to make a saint swear. I've offered to get a hotel in the large city an hour from your home, but you tell me that is too far for you to come to see me. You offer to get me a room at a hotel in your town that is so small you don't even have a pharmacy. I'd have nothing to do except gamble at the casinos where you spend so much of your leisure time.

     I have asked you several times to come visit me. But you say you can't. I don't understand why not. You don't have a job to take time off from. You could visit other relatives and friends other than just me.

     I feel like I just don't matter to you as much as you say. I don't know what to do with this unsettling thought.

A discovery of self

     Confession time: I've never been the neatest person.Trust me, I've felt nothing but shame over it, but I just felt there was nothing I could do to change it, no matter how hard I tried. Even living with roommates who helped share the load of housework, nothing seemed to be enough.
     Now, I live alone and guess what! While the apartment isn't ready for magazine covers, it's a far cry from the messes I've lived in for the last ten years. I've spent the last month trying to budget enough money to replace cleaning supplies and make sure everything has a proper space, rather than in piles of "I'll get to it later." I even found myself cleaning the toilet, not because it was especially disgusting, but because it has been a month and I wanted to stay ahead of stuff.
     I'm just happy to see that it really hasn't been my fault for all this time!

Craptacular day

     I wish I had something wonderful to talk about. I wish I had something awful to talk about. I wish I had anything legitimate to talk about.
     But today was just another in a series of crummy days...where everything just wasn't right!
     Days like today make me wish I was still married. I want someone at home who will hug me and tell me everything will be ok again. I want someone to bring me something to drink and a snack to share while we watch something silly on TV till I cheer up again. Of course, when I was married, I didn't have that either. When I was still married, days like today made me want to kill myself. So I guess I'm still doing better than I was.
     I really want to post more often, but I feel like I'm under so much pressure to maintain the relationships and social life that I finally have after craving them for so long. I have scheduled a lazy weekend soon, where I'm not allowed to make any plans or invite anyone over. I hate feeling alone, but the constant activity has finally worn me down to the point where I am so worn out every day that I am starting to cry over the littlest things. Maybe after I recharge a bit, I'll be able to find a better way of budgeting my time...

How to move without driving everyone around you insane

     As I said recently, I moved at the beginning of this month. It was rough on me, but then, I never handle moving well... I was living with a series of friends over the past two years in a wonderfully large house. But things changed, and it was time for me to live on my own. I found a nice one-bedroom apartment in a nearby complex, and started getting ready for the next phase of my life.
     In the course of preparing to transition from one home to the next, I went through a lot of phases. And I learned some things to remember next time. If there is a next time... I rather like this place, and don't know if I want to leave it any time soon...
     In no particularly important order, they are:

• Start saving months in advance. Moving is expensive and rarely comes as a surprise. There's the moving truck, security deposits for your apartment/house and utilities, and a million little things that you will need that you didn't before. Plus, you will surely want some new things for your new home, such as a new broom, curtain rods, shower curtain... Most of these things are inexpensive, but they add up quickly. Have enough money put aside so you can get them without having to live on Ramen for the first three months after you move while you try to figure out what you can afford to live without.
• Go buy good boxes. A lot of them. I went to Home Depot and got the "small" moving boxes. They are a little over one cubic foot. With the smaller boxes, I was able to keep anything from being extremely heavy. Having my boxes be roughly the same size made things easier when it came to playing moving-truck tetris. Don't get me wrong... You can totally stalk the local liquor store/grocery store/fast food joint to beg for free boxes. Those do tend to be pretty strong, but I found that after making the investment in boxes intended for moving, I could be sure that all my boxes were strong and intact. I had about 40-50 boxes and spent about $.75/box. 
• Start packing early.  I started almost six weeks before the planned moving date. Pack everything you know you aren't going to absolutely need in the immediate future. I started with my books and most of my yarn. I got my Christmas decorations together. If you wait till the week before, you're going to feel rushed and stressed out. It you wait till the day before the move, you are going to hate yourself and everything you own very quickly.
• THROW SHIT AWAY! I know this sounds silly, but really... Why are you saving that? Is it actually important? If so, pack it. But if it seemed important once, but you can't remember why...maybe it's time to let it go. There is no reason to transport clutter from one place to another. One of the great things about moving (even if the move itself is for crummy reasons) is that you're starting over. Make it a conscious decision to carry only positive things with you.
• Label your boxes. It will make unpacking so much easier when you know what will be in the box when you open it. Your labels can be as simple as "books" "pantry" "movies". Whatever makes sense. But try to pack boxes so that whatever is inside should go together in the new place. Try avoiding having boxes labelled "stuff". You'll probably end up with one or two boxes of things that don't really match in any category. Mark them for what room they will belong in.
• Use really visible marking for different spaces. Are you moving to a one room shack or a place with multiple rooms. They make duct tape in lots of fancy colors for some reason. Take advantage of this to use different colors to mark what room boxes will go in. And stay consistent. Think how much easier unpacking will be if all the boxes for the bedroom are in the bedroom, and not the living room. 
• Assemble your team. About a month before your move, start asking friends who you want to help you. Give them time to plan, so you aren't springing this on them at the last minute. Your friends have lives, too, and you're asking a lot of them. Be prepared to pay them back. Pizza and beer is the traditional fee for friends helping you move, but sometimes cold, hard cash might be a better offer. Don't forget that you will be obligated to help them in return someday. It's one of the rules of friendship, unless you're a total jerk. Or maybe hiring professional movers might be the best bet. Whether it's because you don't have any strong friends or just because you just don't want the hassle. I planned to do this, but I wasn't able to save enough money. Fortunately, I have more awesome friends than I realized, and acquired a small army that made my move happen really fast!
• Plan, plan, and over-plan. What time are you starting? Who is driving the UHaul? What is the worst thing that could happen on moving day, and how are you going to deal with it? If you plan for the worst, it is less likely to happen. And even if it does, you're ready for it. By the time moving day comes, you're going to feel stressed. If you have plans in place to deal with the things that will bother you, at least it won't kill you.
• Have an idea where you want your furniture. Chances are, you've seen your apartment at least once before moving day. Take a few moments to sketch out a basic floor plan with your furnishings where you want them. When you're unloading your truck at the end of the day, getting the big stuff into place before bringing in the boxes is infinitely easier than trying to arrange it around the boxes. It will also help you to feel "at home" sooner when your new place actually looks like a home, rather than a random pile of stuff.
• Appoint a Second In Command. Who do you really trust to keep a level head? On moving day, you will have a lot happening at once. Having another person who knows what you want done will help to eliminate confusion as you direct your team on what needs to go into the truck next, or where to put things at the new place. Share your floor plan with them, so that one of you can direct things from inside the house, and the other from outside.
• Eats! As I said earlier, if you're having friends help you, you should probably feed them. I've never had anyone complain about pizza and beer. If possible, pick up a case or two of beer a day in advance and put it in the refrigerator. Shop around for pizza deals in the neighborhood of your new place. Get people's topping preferences in advance, and have it written down. If you're going with a national chain restaurant, store your order in their mobile app. Then, you can place the order for pickup, and grab it on your way back from returning the moving truck! No matter how tempting it is, don't take a beer-break until the truck is empty. A pleasant break makes it hard to get motivated again.

     I know this seems like a lot, but moving is stressful and these are things I did to help make this current move a lot easier on myself. I'll add more, if I come up with anything else that seems worthwhile. Next, I'll post a few tips on how to unpack in a way that might help you stay sane!

I guess I should get back to this...

     It's been quite some time since I have posted anything. MUCH has happened in my life. Friendships have changed. People have come into, and gone out of, my life.
     I moved into a new apartment. By myself. It's been a long time since I lived alone, and I'm not sure if I'm really ready to do it again, but too late!
     I learned some things during the process of this move, that make me think people aren't very good at moving. So I think after I get a few thoughts together, I'm going to write a how-to guide. Just a few pointers of what I did that made things run more smoothly. As well as the things I should have done, but forgot to or just didn't think of until it was too late...
     But for now, let's just call this late-evening, before bed blurb be my re-entry to telling you about all the things that I get myself tangled in. Like finding my books and yarn again. And strengthening friendships that I never thought would be as important as they have become.

     I've missed you, by the way.