Now what?

     It's been a rough week for me. I had a close friend tell me an unpleasant truth. It took me a few days to smut that she was right. It's left me quite shaken.
     For a while, I've started feeling like I was losing control of my life. My natural inclination is to respond by trying to control as much of the world around me as I can. Unfortunately, this only resulted in my becoming a ragey, controlling bitch toward the people I live with. And none of them would tell me, because I do have a tendency to get angry very quickly. I don't want to be that person anymore than I want to be the emotional doormat I used to be.
     I guess it's time to re-evaluate what I'm feeling, and how it is affecting my actions. The problem with that is, I'm still in such a depressed funk that I an overreacting to everything. The worst of which being this continued feeling of isolation I can't seem to shake. I know the normal solution would be to get out of the house and be among people, but it just isn't that simple for me.
    I'm not going any further down this rabbithole... I'm going to go back to my knitting. It may not be a good as being around people, but at least I know I'll see the people I'm making gifts for, eventually...

What I did all week

     Realizing that I wanted to get a head-start on giftmas preens has been one if the better decisions I've made in quite a while. The near constant knitting is doing me more good than anything else lately. I see myself finishing projects with increasing speed, and gain so much pride out of seeing each completed object. Because I keep my hands busy, I've found I don't want to smoke as frequently.
     I took a break from knitting because I was looking for someplace to move after CNFH. Then I had to move and unpack. I got lazy, because I had a huge attack of perfectly good reasons why I couldn't knit. So I didn't even try.
     I'm trying to be a good girl and use up as much of my stash yarn as I can, for multiple reasons. I have two totes full of yarn that have no intended purpose. So far, I've managed to use up a few balls of yarn! More importantly, I'd managed to forget how pleasantly relaxing it is to just sit and talk our watch TV with my sticks clicking away, project quietly growing in my lap...
     This weekend, I made it to the yarn store to get yarn for some presents. I'm just starting on my gift fora certain dragon. I won't talk about it, because I know she reds this blog!
     I'd probably have more to say, but I'm going to get back to playing with my string!

Knitting machine

     So, I crossed the two-mile mark on my knitmeter. I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm working on another scarf out of my stash yarn. Of the three I've finished, only two are actually intended for specific recipients. The pink "feather" scarf was just a fun idea to make, although I have no clue who is going to end up with it.
     Today's new project is a scarf out of the purple loopy yarn I got at the fabric fair this past spring. I had intended to make team scarves for the lupus walk, but they didn't work out the way I'd planned. It would take too much yarn to make one scarf, so I wouldn't have enough for a team. I'm sure this will find a home among someone on my gift list.
     My gift list... Ah, there's something I'll never learn to control. It started out with eight people on it. It's already almost doubled, and I know I'll find more people that I have to make presents for. And I'd be willing to bet that over half of them won't be planning to have gifts in exchange. It's not that I'm upset about that, it's just... I make gifts for people out of love, not greed. But there will always be a greedy child inside me who wants awesome presents back!
     Oh well... I'm writing this on the break room at work. I'm supposed to be knitting, not talking about it. I think I'll get back to what I told myself to do tonight.