Time to do a thing!

I LIVE!!!!!


But seriously. It's been a short eternity while I dealt with many life changes. And now it's time for the next challenge: selling my things. Above, you'll see a tab labelled "Tiger Tangles Pricing Guide" which is the genesis of my new business selling crocheted items. Please check it out and hopefully order something. I still have to get a complete Terms of Service in place, but one step at a time will get me where I need to be.
And I swear I'll post more often than once a year.

Craptacular day

     I wish I had something wonderful to talk about. I wish I had something awful to talk about. I wish I had anything legitimate to talk about.
     But today was just another in a series of crummy days...where everything just wasn't right!
     Days like today make me wish I was still married. I want someone at home who will hug me and tell me everything will be ok again. I want someone to bring me something to drink and a snack to share while we watch something silly on TV till I cheer up again. Of course, when I was married, I didn't have that either. When I was still married, days like today made me want to kill myself. So I guess I'm still doing better than I was.
     I really want to post more often, but I feel like I'm under so much pressure to maintain the relationships and social life that I finally have after craving them for so long. I have scheduled a lazy weekend soon, where I'm not allowed to make any plans or invite anyone over. I hate feeling alone, but the constant activity has finally worn me down to the point where I am so worn out every day that I am starting to cry over the littlest things. Maybe after I recharge a bit, I'll be able to find a better way of budgeting my time...

I guess I should get back to this...

     It's been quite some time since I have posted anything. MUCH has happened in my life. Friendships have changed. People have come into, and gone out of, my life.
     I moved into a new apartment. By myself. It's been a long time since I lived alone, and I'm not sure if I'm really ready to do it again, but too late!
     I learned some things during the process of this move, that make me think people aren't very good at moving. So I think after I get a few thoughts together, I'm going to write a how-to guide. Just a few pointers of what I did that made things run more smoothly. As well as the things I should have done, but forgot to or just didn't think of until it was too late...
     But for now, let's just call this late-evening, before bed blurb be my re-entry to telling you about all the things that I get myself tangled in. Like finding my books and yarn again. And strengthening friendships that I never thought would be as important as they have become.

     I've missed you, by the way.

Even if it kills me....

     I'm working really hard at this weight loss thing. I'm struggling with managing my calorie intake and portion control. I'm wearing my Jawbone UP every day and trying to manage my 10,000 step goal. I haven't really succeeded very well with either. But every day is an improvement over how I was living my life only two months ago.
     I bought the Zombies, Run app on the advice of a friend, and she was right. It is amazing! It really doesn't take much to turn exercise into something fun. The story line is compelling enough that I try to turn it on any time I'm walking more than four blocks and have nobody with me.
     Weekly yoga with Sage and Yitters is a good idea, but I have yet to see any success out of that. Of course, the first week was just that. A first. The week after that was Anthrocon, so we skipped that week in favor of the convention. Last week, I was just too hungover and anything that involved too much pressure on my stomach was dangerous. I got through maybe a third before I had to crap out. But as a reaction to that, I pulled out some of my favorite poses and am trying to do a fifteen minute workout at least once or twice a week, by myself. It's dreadfully simple and really doesn't have me doing any real stretching. But the point is that I'm conditioning myself to make a point of regular exercise. Eventually, I'll step that up, along with my walking.
     When I get better internet and cable, I'm going to get back into watching Doctor Who. I found a highly amusing DW exercise game that should make working out really easy to do, as well as something I'll rarely have trouble scheduling! I have to steal it from the website where I found it, and post it here so I can always find it. But that's an adventure for another time...

Alexander does dumb stuff!

     Geek rant time! I haven't blogged in a month, because there isn't much in my head that I'm willing to share. But with last week's twelve-hour Werewolf game, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that. I will now go into nauseating detail about today's session. For those who do not enjoy role-playing geekery, I'm sorry. Try again next time?

Werewolf and yarn

     I haven't been posting much, because really, there hasn't been anything worth talking about. I get up and go to work every day. I come home and work on my scarves for Anthrocon. I spend weekends hanging out with friends. My mind is almost completely dominated by stresses I'm not willing to blog about yet, yarn-craft deadlines, and gaming.
     We finally got everyone in the same place at one time, and were able to play Werewolf. Gods, I keep forgetting how much I love that game. And how much I love my character... It always makes for a good game when everyone else is also having fun, resulting in us forgetting to watch the time and running on far past when we had intended to stop! I kind of miss the days when we used to play until someone literally fell asleep! But this group isn't up for those kind of sessions. But we seem to have a (mostly) functional group, and this might actually last to a complete chronicle! I was pleasantly surprised at how well Cortez did in his first session. He still has to make up his mind if he's going to continue playing, but I hope he does.
     As far as the yarn-craft goes, I'm slowly but steadily working my way through my list of projects. I'd probably be further in my progress if I didn't keep distracting myself by adding new projects!

• Complete the Elements of HArMoNY scarves in time for Anthrocon. I finished the elements of H , Ar, and Mo and am more than halfway through N. I have a minion that will sew in the eleventy million yarn ends, so I don't have to.  But he'll get equal credit when I turn them in for the charity raffle, so I don't feel the least bit bad about making him do the crap work. And he's doing a good job, too!
• Knit my $5 in Paris sweater.
• Thing A Day in February. I plan to make eleventy million washcloths again. DONE!
• Skillet handle cover for the cast iron skillet.
• Pot holders. I don't even know why I want these, but one must admit they're useful!
• New wristers for me to wear to work. I made a set out of the silky merino Zelda gave me for my birthday They are amazing, but they stretch so much during wear. I need to felt them to make them fit better. And I still want a new pair in a different yarn. I started on a pair, using the fingering weight yarn I got at the Fabric Fair, and a pair of size 0 needles. Such teeny little stitches!
• Wristers for Tom. My uncle works outside, and has been wearing little wrist-bands to help keep his hands warm. Good woolen wristers will do a lot more for him!
• Wristers for Mort. If I'm making them for family, why not my roommate who is a mechanic. Warm hands + maintaining dexterity = a good thing every time! Did I mention that he's totally knit-worthy at this point? Well, I made one... The rest of the yarn is sitting with the needles, waiting for me to pick them back up again. It will eventually become a portable project for during my commute to work.
• New arm warmers for myself. I love my "tiger paws" but they don't fit very well, and they don't look that good with everything. I need to make a nice grey(?) pair that will look good with any outfit. Plus do better at sizing them than my first attempt.
•  A new shawl for this summer. I bought yarn as a treat, and it's my project for during the commute to work. I have no real deadline for it, but can't wait to finish it. Just a simple, one-skein project to remind me that I'm worth something nice "just because." But for now, it's in "time out" until I have the energy to rip back past  a mistake.
• Baby gift for supervisor L
• Baby gifts for Berry I just want to make adorable baby things! And she is the lucky acquaintance who managed to get pregnant at the right time!

     See what I mean? The list just keeps getting longer! But I'm still making things. And finishing them. I'm also forming next  year's to-knit list of big projects. I'm seriously considering a goal of a king-sized afghan and a Doctor Who scarf in the same year!

Spring is springing

     Last weekend was Easter. It symbolizes a time of new beginnings. And I'm certainly having some of those. I finally got my transfer from midnight shift to twilight shift. I am so excited. For the last three days, I have gotten a good night's sleep, and woken up before my alarm goes off! I'm also having a much easier time at work, and not struggling to stay awake at my desk.
    I've also been busy with my yarn projects. Let's see how things are progressing....

• Complete the Elements of HArMoNY scarves in time for Anthrocon. I finished the elements of H and Ar, and am more than halfway through Mo. I have a minion that will sew in the eleventy million yarn ends, so I don't have to.  But he'll get equal credit when I turn them in for the charity raffle, so I don't feel the least bit bad about making him do the crap work.
• Knit my $5 in Paris sweater.
• Thing A Day in February. I plan to make eleventy million washcloths again. DONE! About 35 of them...
• Skillet handle cover for the cast iron skillet.
• Pot holders. I don't even know why I want these, but one must admit they're useful!
• New wristers for me to wear to work. I made a set out of the silky merino Zelda gave me for my birthday They are amazing, but they stretch so much during wear. I need to felt them to make them fit better. And I still want a new pair in a different yarn.
• Wristers for Tom. My uncle works outside, and has been wearing little wrist-bands to help keep his hands warm. Good woolen wristers will do a lot more for him!
• Wristers for Mort. If I'm making them for family, why not my roommate who is a mechanic. Warm hands + maintaining dexterity = a good thing every time! Did I mention that he's totally knit-worthy at this point? Well, I made one... The rest of the yarn is sitting with the needles, waiting for me to pick them back up again. It will eventually become a portable project for during my commute to work.
• New arm warmers for myself. I love my "tiger paws" but they don't fit very well, and they don't look that good with everything. I need to make a nice grey(?) pair that will look good with any outfit. Plus do better at sizing them than my first attempt.
•  A new shawl for this summer. I bought yarn this weekend as a treat, and it's my project for during the commute to work. I have no real deadline for it, but can't wait to finish it. Just a simple, one-skein project to remind me that I'm worth something nice "just because."

     I managed to finish one project on my list so far. But it's only April, and I have plenty of time. The scarves are progressing well, and should be done in time for Anthrocon. My smaller projects, I don't know what's up with them, but I don't care. I'll finish them when I do. I have no clue what's going on with the sweater, but that's a problem for after Anthrocon.
     Now I just have to figure out what's going on with this constant pain.... Then I'll be all set to start living my life again!

Updates on the Resolutions

     I've been doing pretty good at working on my resolutions regarding knitting and crochet. Not so good at the resolution to be more selfish in other aspects of my life. I had a major meltdown last weekend about feeling taken advantage of. The people who care most about me were hurt by it. I lashed out at whoever was physically neat, and said some very hurtful things to people who really didn't deserve it.
     After some major soul-searching, I figured out the reason why I do more than I should for the people around me. There is some terrified part of me that feels like I need to bribe people to stay in my life. After going so long without good friends, I got into the pattern of "buying friendships" by being the kind of person everyone wanted to have around. I would do whatever everyone around me wanted to do. I would pay for anyone that was just a little short of cash. "Friends" started flocking to be around me. When I didn't have the ability to do whatever someone wanted, they started to drift away, and I'd end up feeling alone again. When I was truly broke and unable to even pay for myself, no one was around to do the same for me. I began to feel that the only reason anyone would want to be my friend was if I was willing to do anything for them, even if it was to my own detriment. My current isolation due to my working situation only seemed to fuel the idea. Logic doesn't need to factor into these emotional responses. And as such, I have ended up in some very bad financial situations that I'm having a hard time extracting myself from, because I don't have the ability to say "no" to anyone I call friend.
     This came to a head last weekend, when I had twice acted on a direct request, and the person who asked left me hanging. I cooked dinner for a roommate who, both nights I made her dinner, decided to eat elsewhere without informing me before I cooked more food than I'd needed to. Then, we had an agreement that would save me a significant amount of money I would need to lend her enough to cover her bills this month. She failed to live up to her end of the deal, and I'm still stuck trying to figure out how to pay all of the bills now. And on no occasion did she bother to thank me for doing her a favor. I felt more than unappreciated. I felt totally used!
    So, instead, toward a more positive subject. I have completed H from the Elements of HArMoNY scarves. Those things are LOOONNG! I've made it up into the yellow bands for Ar. I'm not looking forward to weaving in all these yarn-ends. I wonder if I can find someone who will enjoy doing so in exchange for partial credit on the finished project... I started on a set of charcoal wool wristers for either Mort or Tom. I don't know who I'm going to give the first pair to yet. I also have one half of a pair for myself made.. I'm not sure I did a very good job with the sizing, but I'm going to roll with it, and make yet another pair if I didn't. I have the yarn for $5 in Paris but I still need to get myself the needles. It's going to be a fun time trying to figure out what size to make the sweater, since I'm going to buy the needles from the pattern, and tweak the numbers to make it come out as the right size for me. Also, I'm still making slow progress on Sage's Twilightlicious Poncho. It's getting harder to make myself sit down with it on a regular basis, but if I can't finish this, how will I ever finish a sweater?
     This year's Thing A Day challenge has started. It's day 3, and I have three washcloths made already. I have enough yarn to make at least 24 cloths that are solidly one type of yarn. And since each ball of yarn makes about two and a half washcloths, I think I'm set for the month. Last year, I ended up with something like 24 washcloths and two potholders. I'll have to see how I finish up TAD this year... But I'm off to a good start!
     I'm still trying to figure out what I feel about the date from last month. I had such a good time with him, but he's been sick, so we haven't talked very much since then. I really want to see him again. I'd like this to last for however long it could.