Existential crisis?

     I had some stuff happen the other day, where I started questioning my definition of my self.
As I've said, I'm losing weight. At this point, I've lost more than 20 pounds. This is wonderful, and I'm more than proud of myself for sticking with it. But I was looking at myself in a mirror to fix my hair, and I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. I knew it was myself, but something had changed in my face. Something that I still can't put my finger on, and it wasn't what I was expecting to see. This left me off-balance for the rest of the day at work. I mentioned it to a dear friend when we went out for dinner that night, but she really didn't have anything helpful to say. I think she just chalked it up to me "seeing" the weight-loss for the first time.
     After we got home from our wild and crazy adventures of dinner and grocery shopping (We're totally out of control!) I played online for a while before heading upstairs. I was having one of those nights where I didn't want to go to bed, even though I was tired and had to get up in the morning. After reading a short story and playing with my phone, I actually said out loud, "Go to bed, Morgain." This sent me into a philosophical spiral that kept sleep from me for some time.
I didn't recognize my own face in a mirror. I called myself by something other than the name I've used for most of my life. It was like I don't even know who I am anymore. Is this new person who I'm supposed to be right now? Or did I lose myself somewhere along the way. I've said before that I wouldn't undo my mistakes, because I'd lose the good things I gained along with the troubles... But should I take this chance to re-invent myself? Do I want to be whatever I'm becoming? I thought by now I'd know who I was. Now I wonder if I ever will...

Even if it kills me....

     I'm working really hard at this weight loss thing. I'm struggling with managing my calorie intake and portion control. I'm wearing my Jawbone UP every day and trying to manage my 10,000 step goal. I haven't really succeeded very well with either. But every day is an improvement over how I was living my life only two months ago.
     I bought the Zombies, Run app on the advice of a friend, and she was right. It is amazing! It really doesn't take much to turn exercise into something fun. The story line is compelling enough that I try to turn it on any time I'm walking more than four blocks and have nobody with me.
     Weekly yoga with Sage and Yitters is a good idea, but I have yet to see any success out of that. Of course, the first week was just that. A first. The week after that was Anthrocon, so we skipped that week in favor of the convention. Last week, I was just too hungover and anything that involved too much pressure on my stomach was dangerous. I got through maybe a third before I had to crap out. But as a reaction to that, I pulled out some of my favorite poses and am trying to do a fifteen minute workout at least once or twice a week, by myself. It's dreadfully simple and really doesn't have me doing any real stretching. But the point is that I'm conditioning myself to make a point of regular exercise. Eventually, I'll step that up, along with my walking.
     When I get better internet and cable, I'm going to get back into watching Doctor Who. I found a highly amusing DW exercise game that should make working out really easy to do, as well as something I'll rarely have trouble scheduling! I have to steal it from the website where I found it, and post it here so I can always find it. But that's an adventure for another time...