As I've said, I'm losing weight. At this point, I've lost more than 20 pounds. This is wonderful, and I'm more than proud of myself for sticking with it. But I was looking at myself in a mirror to fix my hair, and I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. I knew it was myself, but something had changed in my face. Something that I still can't put my finger on, and it wasn't what I was expecting to see. This left me off-balance for the rest of the day at work. I mentioned it to a dear friend when we went out for dinner that night, but she really didn't have anything helpful to say. I think she just chalked it up to me "seeing" the weight-loss for the first time.
After we got home from our wild and crazy adventures of dinner and grocery shopping (We're totally out of control!) I played online for a while before heading upstairs. I was having one of those nights where I didn't want to go to bed, even though I was tired and had to get up in the morning. After reading a short story and playing with my phone, I actually said out loud, "Go to bed, Morgain." This sent me into a philosophical spiral that kept sleep from me for some time.
I didn't recognize my own face in a mirror. I called myself by something other than the name I've used for most of my life. It was like I don't even know who I am anymore. Is this new person who I'm supposed to be right now? Or did I lose myself somewhere along the way. I've said before that I wouldn't undo my mistakes, because I'd lose the good things I gained along with the troubles... But should I take this chance to re-invent myself? Do I want to be whatever I'm becoming? I thought by now I'd know who I was. Now I wonder if I ever will...
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