Busy time!

     It's that time! Last week was "Pride in the Street", where I got to see Melissa Etheridge perform live! I've never been to a pride event before, and I had no clue what to expect. I certainly wasn't expecting a perfectly normal street concert. But that's what I got. And that's what I certainly enjoyed. I got to see my aunt for the first time (other than funerals) in years. I finally got to meet her wife. I got to go out in public wearing as many rainbows as I could fit on my body. I can only think of a handful of times where I've had as much fun, that I am not afraid to admit to my parents!

     Another one of those amazingly fun times is coming up this weekend, Anthrocon. I love my furries. There is something magical about gathering 4500+ of us in one place. I can't wait till it's time to go help set up. 

     Today is full of business. I already ran to the store to buy last-minute toiletries to pack. I got my purple hair color and am waiting for someone to come and help me with it. And of all people, I invited Blaze and his new girlfriend to come down and hang out! Of course, she's the one who is going to help me with the hair dye, so... Yes. I am prone to bad decision-making. Your point? This is going to help keep my day interesting.

     Besides, it'll be nice to actually spend some social time with him for the first time since I left. We got married because we enjoyed each others' company. I have honestly missed the good times we had before the fighting became so all-encompassing. And I do, fortunately, have an enforceable time-limit. I have to leave between 4:30 and 5pm to meet Roomie P at work so we can head down to the hotel, and check in with ConOps. Then we have a few hours to hang out with everyone before meeting up with the Art Show staff for a late dinner. Tomorrow I have to do the last-second double-check-that-I-packed-everything before we check into the hotel for the next five nights! Oh what an adventure this is going to be!

     I'm so antsy and anxious and ready to bolt out of my skin.... I wait for Anthrocon all year long. It's so close, but not yet...

What friends mean to me

     For a few months, I have wanted to write a blog post about friendship. I don't know where to start. There are so many amazing quotes I have found about friendship, ranging from funny to inspirational. I could list a few of those. I could talk about my friends, and what they have meant to me. I could rattle on about definitions and types of friendships. I'm going to try to focus on what it means to me when I call someone friend. Yes, this will be even more incoherent than usual. I quit trying too hard. It's more important that I get my thoughts out than anything else.
     I realize that people use the word "friend" rather freely. It can mean anything from more-than-acquaintance to a person who is as close as family. But if I refer to someone as a Friend, I am referring to the latter. Friends are my family-by-choice. These are the people I try to spend my time with. These are the people I share my deepest feelings with. A Friend is someone whose feelings are as important to me as my own. In college, I defined a friend as being like a hug: warm, comforting, something you can lean on.
     When I was younger, I used to bemoan the fact that I did not have a lot of friends. I wasn't one of the popular kids. Fortunately, I was not alone. And the friends I did have were more dearly valued for it. By not having dozens of people I called friend, I had the time to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships. As I grew to adulthood, I parted company with many of my childhood friends while making new ones. But the people that have been there through the changes in my life... They hold a special place in my heart. Those are the ones who I can reminisce with. They know my crazy moods and how to handle me.
     As I get older, I'm less concerned with having to find new friends. People will come in and out of my life for as long as they need to be there. Some touch that special place in my heart, and I know they will be here for a long time. These Friends are the ones that make me the person I am.
     When a Friend is having trouble, it's my instinct to try to help them. Often, it's just listening to their problems, but I enjoy being able to do anything to make their life more pleasant. I enjoy doing little things to make my Friends smile, from making a surprise Easter basket to making a pot of coffee. When I can, I like giving small knitted stuff to my friends, or take them out to dinner. I will defend my Friends, with everything I have, if they are being wronged. But I don't support blindly. If I know a Friend is wrong, I will tell them. I will try to do so in private if at all possible, but if necessary, I will call a friend out in whatever manner is needed. And I will defend a Friend whenever that is needed, also. Even if they are not around at the time. I don't let people tell un truths about my friends.
     I guess it comes down to me being the kind of friend I want my friends to be toward me: loyal, generous, considerate, honest...As I grow older and less dependent on my family-by-birth, I rely more on those who I have made my family-by-choice, and I strive to be as good, and fair, to them as I can be, because they are that important to me.
     I don't know. I've rattled on about this for about a week. I've lost any ability to be coherent. This is what you get from me when I spend too much time on something. It's the best I can do, the same as I'd give any friend.

Togetherness, my butt!

     I quit! At Thanksgiving, it was my idea to host an Orphans' Christmas at our apartment. And the roommates all thought this was a wonderful idea. We have plenty of friends who, for more reasons than can be counted, are not able to spend the holiday with family. One was kicked out of the house by his mother, another's family lives in another state.

     So for the last month, I have been the one posting in the message boards to invite people with a request for people to RSVP so we know how many people to worry about feeding. I've gotten exactly two definite "I'm coming" responses. And several people who "will try to come" or "might stop by." I'm glad I didn't TELL PEOPLE I WAS PLANNING TO COOK and that I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW MANY MOUTHS TO FEED!

     With two days till Christmas, the apartment is a pig-sty. No one wants to help me clean and make the place look nice for our company. Because it's just going to be the same friends who come over all the time, so why make a big deal?

     Today, I asked roomies C and J to go with me to the grocery store. Both said yes, then turned around and played video games for two hours. So I walked to the store alone to buy the stuff to make breakfast for Christmas morning. And now, I don't want to!

     At this point, I just want to take their collective Christmas presents and shove them in some very uncomfortable places. And perform unspeakable atrocities with a Christmas tree. I want to call the friends who have nowhere else to go, and tell them the holiday is cancelled because my roommates are idiots.
    I really wish I didn't have such a sudden mood-swing. I was having such a good time enjoying the holiday season...

Yarn-y rant of the day...

     I have been busy! I knitted up around twenty Christmas presents. I have three more I'd like to get done before the big day, but I don't know if I'm actually going to see these people before mid-January, so I'm not stressing over it. I even managed to keep up with the "last-minute" people I kept adding to my own list. I'm feeling pretty darned good about myself today.

     I still haven't gotten my package of yarn I ordered from JoAnn Fabrics. I don't even know where to go to complain that it hasn't arrived. JoAnn did a good job keeping me informed of my order's status as it was being filled. FedEx had a link to track the order as it moved along from center to center until it was delivered to a post office in Pittsburgh. Now, it is trapped in postal hell, and no one knows how to find it. *headdesk* Then, I keep forgetting to print out the pattern for the last few things I want to make. And I'd have to download it to be able to see on the roomie's computer. I don't want to do that. I don't think it's right to be downloading anything onto someone else's computer without express permission. And I don't think about asking. Because my brain is usually not on patterns when I see her in the mornings.

     So this morning, I decided to make myself a new dishcloth. This new variant includes using four strands of crochet thread and size 5 needles. It feels a little funny, so I don't dare use it for a shower, but it should be awesome for dishes! After that, I really need to find my damned measuring tape, because I want to use the awesome new yarn I bought! I picked up some Mini Mochi in a pretty, pastel rainbow color. I plan to make myself some new wrist-warmers for the office. They'll look a lot better than my tiger paws. Those are a little over-sized and they're starting to wear a it rough since I've had them for a year now.

    I dunno... I know... I'm feeling the nonsense today. It's raining outside, and that tends to either depress me or send me into fits of silly to counteract the dreariness. That and the pot of coffee I've been drinking all morning! *bounces around the living room* I'm gonna get back to that dishcloth. It'll never get done if I don't!

It's beginning to look a lot like... nothing...

     Like I said the other day, I'm really enjoying this Christmas thing like I did as a child. Every day, some new holiday thing appears in the living room. A nekkid little tree, decorations making it onto said tree, garland on the stair-railing, Father Christmas figurines... Little by little, I am adding physical form to my emotions. It's almost as much fun as I remembered. It won't be much longer before I start playing Christmas carols at home, as well as at work.

     That being said, I have one major stumbling block when it comes to holiday spirit. I don't see any decorations outside my apartment! Don't get me wrong, there are a few businesses that have put snowflakes and garland in their windows, but that's pretty much it. None of the neighbors have any lights in their windows. The only decoration at the building where I work is a lonely tree in the middle of a spartan lobby.

     What happened? I realize I live in the city now, rather than suburbia. Not everyone has lawns to decorate. But I'm sure it's not just a fuzzy-memory from my childhood that people used to decorate for Christmas. I remember houses you were sure you could see from outer space and Christmas trees in the living room window of every house. Today, I walk outside and my neighborhood looks much like it did when I moved here in September, only with more dead leaves and the need to wear a jacket. I may be excited that Christmas is coming, but I was surprised to realize that it's just over a week away. I feel depressed by the lack of urgency or excitement by anyone around me.

     Maybe if it would snow....