'Tis that season...

*sigh* Happy Winter Gift-giving Occasion! I mean, seriously. Let's take the superior-beings and dogma out of this conversation. I don't want to cause strife. I want to celebrate. And many of us have different reasons for celebrating. But in the last half of December, we all take a little bit of time to think of the people around us. And that is a wonderful thing. We shouldn't use this as our only excuse to appreciate those who are good to us all year long. That being said, I realized the other day, that this is the first time I've felt the "Christmas spirit" in several years.

      I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am not with Blaze any longer. I won't go into the drama of our relationship falling apart. If you were there, you know. If you weren't, I don't need to make him look any worse than he already does. Suffice it to say, years of feeling battered and beaten by the world around you don't make for much cheer. I didn't feel charitable toward my fellow man, when I was struggling just to pay my own bills. I couldn't afford even the smallest gifts for anyone around me. All those years when I used to take such pleasure in wrapping gifts seemed to vanish into the smoke of memory. I don't have to listen to one person's selfish demands, or his complaints that my decorations were stupid and pointless. This year, I don't have to struggle every week to survive. I have extra money that I can spend on myself and those I care about. I can put up a tree, and show off my Father Christmas figurines. I have roommates who, if they don't love my decorations, at least tolerate my excitement. 

     Boy, did I win when it came to decorating, too. I had a co-worker, L, who had found a four foot tall tree in her basement that she didn't remember ever buying. She tried to give it to her daughter, who didn't want it. The daughter wanted to buy a new, big tree for her 5 kids. L tried to give the tree to the daycare where she works her second job. They didn't want it because they'd have to buy decorations for it! When I mentioned that I still hadn't gotten a tree, L immediately gave it to me. The next day, I go to work, and another co-worker, R, puts a grocery bag on my desk. It contains two 6 foot lengths of garland and a package of 6 snowflake ornaments! There's two more people I have to come up with gifts for, now.

     And I get to give presents this year! I didn't spend a lot of money. In fact, I knitted almost all of my gifts, except when I just had to buy something specific for someone. And while knitting yesterday, I had time to think random thoughts, as I am frequently wont to do. I remembered a time when we were all horrified at the idea of receiving a hand-made gift. Why couldn't they have gone to the store and bought you something nice? It's funny how much time changes a person. Now in my 30s, I understand and appreciate the time and effort that go into making something. And after knitting gifts for ten people, with eight more to go (I need more time!) I hope those I've been thinking of feel the same way. But then again, I'm not giving gifts with the intention of being appreciated. I'm doing it because I want to, and I can. I'm able to give my friends a piece of my time when I was thinking especially of them. It makes me happy to know that they will look at whatever I gave them, and whether or not they like it, know that I cared for that brief moment in time.

     And on that note, I'm going to get back to trying to finish everyone's gifts before December 25. Because that is the Gift-Giving Day I choose to celebrate this year.