Why do I do this? Answers would be helpful.

     I was thinking the other day about why people blog, and why people read blogs. That was too big of an idea for my pitiful little mind to fathom. So then I started wondering why I decided to start this blog, and whether people would really care what I had to say. The first part of this is all I could legitimately answer. I need to write to sort out how I feel about a lot of things. Because if I don't I worry that my brain might explode, or I might just fail to cope with things that may or may not be important. I don't know for certain why anyone would want to read what I have to say, other than the idea that perhaps they are, or have been, in a similar situation at some point.

     I was in a toxic and unhealthy marriage. I left it less than 4 months ago. After five years of marriage and 3 years of dating, I was told many things that made me feel like less than a whole and valuable person. I am only just beginning to realize how warped my thought process has become.

     I have estranged myself from my family. This is mostly an effect from the last eight years. But I let it happen. I don't know how to rebuild these relationships, but it will happen eventually. One family member at a time, I am beginning to reach out and try.

     I have a sister. She is my only sibling, and she has lupus. We always love each other, but we don't always like each other. But her diagnosis with a chronic and life threatening disease has brought us closer than we have in years.

     I feel alone a lot of the time. After eight years with my ex-husband, I got used to having someone to talk to almost any time. He didn't often listen, or even care, but he was there. Friends aren't obligated to listen to your constant whining. After a while, they will stop coming around. I don't have to pretend to be happy all the time, but I need an outlet for all these feelings.

     Don't get me wrong. I am not a ball of angst and depression. I do have plenty of good times. I love that I learned to knit. Showing off all the things that I've made gives me such a feeling of pride and accomplishment. I know people who are jealous of my ability. I enjoy helping friends who are knitters. Knitting takes up a lot of my time these days and not just because of the holidays.

     I guess I've babbled enough for now. I would appreciate anyone telling me whether they really want me to keep babbling at them. Am I doing any good for anyone other than myself?