I don't like it here

     I cried today. The first time in a long while. I hate this bottomless pit I've been trapped in for so long. I don't know what to do about it, or even what I want anymore.
     It feels like no one notices my suffering. When I see one of my friends is upset, I sometimes have to restrain myself from pestering them till they smile. But I feel like I have to hide from them. I don't want to turn up my music to hide the sound of me crying. I want someone to ask me what's wrong, to actually care about my answer, to let me cry on them.
     Of course, I don't dare seek someone out. I've put too much effort into being the one who will always be ok. But I haven't been that person for a long time. I allowed myself to believe my own lie, and I don't know how to function anymore.